Why do they keep drinking?
The reason someone started drinking may not be the reason they drink now. Understanding what alcohol once gave them can help explain why it became important and why giving it up can be difficult.
To fit in Drinking can begin as part of belonging.
Friends drink, colleagues meet for drinks, families celebrate with alcohol and social occasions revolve around it. Drinking can make them feel part of the group.
If alcohol becomes tied to belonging, stopping can feel like stepping outside that group. They may worry that friendships will change, social occasions will become uncomfortable or they will no longer feel part of something that has been important to them.
To feel more confident Alcohol can make shyness, insecurity or awkwardness feel easier for a while.
They may feel shy, awkward or insecure and discover that alcohol changes how they feel about themselves. They talk more easily, worry less about what other people think and feel able to do things they struggle to do when sober.
The insecurity does not necessarily disappear as the years pass. If alcohol became the way they learned to overcome it, stopping means facing that insecurity without the thing that helped them hide it.
To break the ice Alcohol can make unfamiliar situations feel easier.
Meeting new people, going to a party, dating or walking into a room full of strangers can feel less uncomfortable after a drink.
Because drinking is part of their world For some people alcohol has always been part of everyday life.
For some people there is no particular moment when they decide to start drinking. Alcohol is simply there: at home, with friends, after work, at sporting events, at celebrations and at weekends.
When drinking is woven into everyday life, stopping can mean changing routines, relationships and traditions as well as giving up alcohol.
To escape Alcohol can give temporary distance from stress, loneliness, grief or other problems.
Alcohol can give temporary distance from stress, loneliness, grief, memories, unhappiness or problems they do not know how to deal with.
Those things are still there when the alcohol is gone. Stopping can mean facing whatever they have been using alcohol to escape from.
You cannot make them deal with the reason they drink, but you can get advice about how to respond without carrying the whole problem yourself.
Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs — 08080 10 10 11 CallTo switch off Alcohol can quieten their thoughts for a while.
Worry becomes less intense, problems seem further away and they can stop thinking about everything they have to deal with.
If drinking becomes their usual way of switching off, stopping means finding another way to cope with a mind that does not automatically become quiet because the alcohol has gone.
Because it worked Alcohol may once have done exactly what they wanted it to do.
This can be one of the hardest things for families to understand. Alcohol may once have done exactly what the person wanted it to do.
It made the shy person feel sociable, the insecure person feel confident, the lonely person feel included and the worried person stop worrying for a while.
The consequences of drinking can change enormously over time, while part of them still remembers alcohol as something that once made life easier.
What changes over time The original reason for drinking may become less important as habit, tolerance and dependence take over.
Someone may have started drinking for confidence, company or relief. Years later they may be drinking because it has become part of their routine, because they need more to get the same effect, or because they feel unwell without it.
Read about alcohol dependence →If this sounds like what is happening in your family, you can get help even if the person who drinks refuses it.
Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs — 08080 10 10 11 Call Al-Anon Family Groups — 0800 0086 811 Call Find an Al-Anon meeting ↗ Families of Alcohol Abuse — information, personal stories and community ↗ What can I do? →